ill eat what I wont!

now the torys are tellin us we cant even eat red meet, sossiges, bacon!! or just about anythink thats not made out of soyer or toffoo.

well im eatin everythink i want and no torie is tellin me other wise. If i want to stuf sossiges dow n my froat ill do it til im sick and no torie stellin me what i can and cvan eat!"!

this is my tea tonite - my commin home cake (yea ive been in prissin but i didnt do it cos Id never eat anyboddies eye) 4 yeers for somethink i didnt done

my cake is ful of stake mutton, kidd-knees, bacon,, griddols, bits of old chikken and poneys

fuck em all is what I say and ill ate what i eat!?£

get the bino in

the to fick to fail idiots are making the st pauls fellows drop like flys. I dont know why gods people are sidingwith a lot of scabbys

they need to get that big albeeno bloke in from the films that gave tom hanx all that trouble

hel'l fuck the l*t of them over set fire to there tents rape the wimon ones and bash the men ones to within a inch of there beerds

we need strong acton againts the peple that are trying to destroy are once grate county

send asshead in to the fickoes

That Asshead bloke in Syria 's all right. he might lookm like frankinstine but when it comes to croud control hes a good un!

we should ask him to sort out the scabbys at St pauls - start by shootin these abolish money freeks. they can give there monry to me- their loaded.

we went out last night and got some of the fuck*rs who were campinn in tents on the beach - et there bangers and mash to. you can smell them a mile of.

If they dont like this country they can fuck off back to russia

hospital visit

How low can you go

ive just got back form the hospintal

BOTH the girls are in

Last nite some local boys stuck rokkit's up there bottom's and shot them both in the air - both of them!

Now theres nothing wrong with doing this to cats (not mine tho) or throwing jumpin jax at old wimmon - but NOT MY GIRL'S!!

ron nie got caught in apower line and poor reggie ended up in a peados garden

both there cat-suit's got wruined!

there bottom's are red  raw and smuthered in sudocremm - its a horroble site!

revenge is in the offin

euroes away!

Well them old foriegnors have fuck*d it up good an proper wiv there euroes goiung down the drane

I cant wait for it to happen cos Ive been saving up drachmers and marks and franks and all that rubbish currency from behind sofas and nicked and Ive got a whole roses tin full of them

so just waiting for the euroe to collaspe and I'll be going out on the next easy-jet and spending them all getting drunk and blotto and projectling over them foriegn fuck*ers!

bloody rusans

God blesss em all! Good queen Katy and buffalo william got married today. Of course the bbc arent sheowing it at all, just showin lasbour party pollitical brodecasts.

Me? Ive been up their all week camping it up on the steets of london. i got an invite and got to sit next to the queen mum. it was all I could do to stop groping her roun d the grion. This is the super weeding cake 0 I got a big bit of it and would like to keep it for ever but Ive eaten it. God bless em all!

fort id' be first!

This is the sort of nativity seen that tony brown and his mARxist hoards would have us have at Christmas if he has his way. Devils and satans and allahs in a mangar telling us english people we cant even call it chrismas any more but something like ramadan or allahmas

well we arent having it and i fort Id be the first to say

luna madness

bloody yanks goin on about going to the moon.

everyone noes the fuckers made it all up - ive seen the film where you can cleerly see the sign welcome to kalifornya in the background theres a macdonalds for fuck sake

anyway everyone noes that the BRITS were there first. I saw a documentry called 'the first men in the moon'. they went there in queen victoriars day!!! the yanks make sucha fuss but we were their 100 years ago!! the brits beat the selanites.

and have you seen those yanky astronorts? They must all be about 80. theyd have trouble findin there tackle let alonethe moon

fuckers

pigs in the thoughs

I always knew mps were dodgy but theyve all got there snouts in the though.

I've just done nearly six months just for putting a geezers eye out yet these fuckers stay loose spending OUR money on motes and shandyleers.

we should hang a few of them on tower bridge to warn the others off

the queen Mum would have known what to have done with them.

Were to soft in this country on traitors and scum

out!!!

Yeah Im back!!!

Nine months inside for calling some ponce an u*gly st*pid cunt! And putting his eye out with a spoon. He started it.

They put me in a sell with that Julian Clary and his fucking dog.

Wouldnt let me use the internet or even sleep with the wife. she had to smuggle in me skol and cwontro in her bra lucy shes a 44DD. well, came ina 44DD and went out a 32A!

Got out early for good behaviour. Im getting ratfaced stonearsed pissed up with the lads toniht but keeping the spoon at hom,e.

dongle distress

Cheryls been pissing me off something chronic. Shes been teasing me all day, reckoning shes got a dongle. I've been on the internet all night and read a whole dictionary but I can't find out what it is.

It's either a bit of a black man, something from Ann Summers, a horrible disease around the nethers or some sort of vile animal Ive narrowed it down to.

I hate not knowing stuff and she knows it.

Or it might be something to control those bloody girls with so it cant be all bad.

bleeding horrible

Just look at Reggie - she's got a job at Big Bo Peeps out on the ringroad. Everything on the menus lamb and mutton. I reckon she'll get molested in this get up if she aint careful. We'll sort the fuckers out, pull there eyes out. I dont think girls should work, bt they need money for poneys and stuff.

Ronnies got a job too -those girls have to do everything together. Shes one of the sheep and theyve run out of uniforms at the moment.

Im not even going to talk about Auntie Caitlins wedding yet - we're still all in shock. Give me a week or two and I might put some pictures on but only because Cheryls telling me too.

Then the guinea pig was sick all down the back of the computer and weve been off line for nearly a month. I kept getting dodgy computers from Sideways Freddy down the George but they didnt work.

the twinses 18th

Its been buggery here the last few weeks what with the twins 18th and Caitlins wedding.

Above are some shots from the 18th. Not many people know that the girls were actually triplets but we couldnt afford 3 and let Caitlin have one (dont tell the adoption agencys - we did it for cash and a Vauxhall Viva!)

Top two pictures show the twins and the other one Ameratta. Third pic is a jug of tequila sunrise - we got through 23!

Bottom pic is of the party after presents and before the projectile vomiting!

caitlins hen night

Im being abandoned this Friday - Cheryl Ronnie and Reggie are going to Caitlins hen night (and Little Marsh is away on bad boys camp). I've got to stay in and look after that fucking guinea pig so I've had to cancel my night out with the boys for the first time in 14 years. There will be hell to pAY! Especially if they come back drunk.

The odd thing is that theres no stag night for us blokes. In fact nobodies found out what Caitlins blokes called yet and none of us have met him. Perhaps therell be a surprise do for us all??

march of the zombies

I've just watched Corpses. Zombies are GREAT! Reggie goes a bit zombieish like above when we all ran off. You can eat people and your dead and alive all at the same time.

Films are great - Ive got hundreds on DVD and there like a window to a world I'll probably never visit - unless I get bitten by one of the fuckers!

The twins and their little Roumanian friends

Ronnie and Reggie have been looking after a couple of Roumanian orphan girls this week, part of their punishment for heavy drinking and staying out late. These girls are called Holina and Shaniska. I made them sleep in the shed as their not used to our ways. We all cried when they went mainly because we were getting £300 a week each for looking after them. We fed them on scraps and made them walk everywhere so it was pure profit.

my mates - Bobby the Bone

This is Bobby in typical stance, half empty glass, half open eyes.

But hes an intellectual. He reads a posh paper (the mail), speaks French (parley voo anyway) and knows the difference between red wine and white.

He dont have tomato sauce, only ketchup and he was there when his kid (greenstick) was born.

He kn ows the names of seven different countries and he often gets us out of fights by blinding opponants with his sharp wit, if that dont work he blinds them with a spoon.

they think their it

Bloody lorry drivers. First they hold up every road in the country with their stupid lorries then they have a fuel protest trying to get free petrol to make it even worse. Tony Brown should put them all on the dole, melt their lorrys down and give all the money to us decent working folk so we can buy free petrol.

so what happens tonight? I'm down the George with Ginger, Alby and the Bone and some of these buggers starts on us apparently they heard me describe them as fat dishevelled greasy lardarse stupid scumbags or something similar. I dont like strikers. they shouldnt be allowed. Obviously I agree with what they stand for. Poor old Ginger got a greenstick fracture but he managed to get one of there eyes out. Shoved it in a bag of pork scratchings!

Bloody commies I hate them.

coddling 'em

When I was a kid diabetics used to have to just watch as we ate our Milky Ways and Caramacs. They knew there place. Now look what the buggers get! No doubt its all free paid for by the hardworking taxpayer. Stop giving diabetics free chocolate and all them benefits and they could make petrol a penny a pint.

outrageous

Well i wont pay it - neither will most of my mates on facebook.

They should never have got rid of pounds shilings and groats - petrol was about 4/6d then.

aunty caitlin surprises us all!

This is Aunty Caitlin, Barely Functionings sister. Shes surprised us all by announcing to us that shes getting married on 21st June! A big Bowells wedding - brilliant! No-one knows who the 'lucky' fellow is, she aint telling. Shes 61 and never been married, though there was talk of a J I during the war. Shes always been more into horses and donkeys, and Casualty.


Were talking her into having Ronnie and Reggie as bridesmaids.


And Little Marsh as page boy, love him!

marshys week

I bought this for Little Marsh last week. Yeah, I know hes only 14 but his feet reach the pedals and itll only be round the estate and perhaps the odd trip to the seaside or Poundstretcher for his mum. I wouldn't want him riding a bike with all them pervs and philes around.


What pillows should be like. I bought a couple of these off the BNP website and they arrived yesterday. Imagine having a romp with the Queen Mum with these on the bed - I reckon the ol gal would do anything for a loyal subject when hes flying the flag as it were!


Caught this bleeding badger in my kitchen eating a fucking rat. probably got it from Desmond next door. The fucker then washed it down with a bottle of Cheryls favourite lambrusco ...


Ronnie and Reggie outside the new car holding that bloody guinea pig thing what tried to escape when Cheryl opened the door. If it aint careful itll be nailed to the wall or sellotaped to the ceiling. Bloody pets. But them girls love it.

Get Marshy!

Me and ken Livingstones tart, London. 2008.

Cheryls all lovey duvvy at the moment. She's left me downstairs with a 6 pack of Quaver's, a 24 of Stella and pick of the channels. I found Get Carter one of me favourite films. Michael Cane showing them northern fuckers what for.

I should have been a gangster I'm just like Caney. Demolition and scaffoldings allright but you dont get to kill many people or ride round in open topped sports cars pushing fuckers off multistories. Guns are brilliant, all them sparks and bangs. And its really cool. Al Capone and Robert de Nero, that couldve been me if Id kept away from the poles. Too straight and narrow me. Mind you I wouldnt want to be killed in the end like Caney, I suppose thats the downside.

And Ive got me kids.

driving me MAD!

What next? Our glorious Queen is visiting Turkey and what do the moslems do? Make her dress up in a kebab and make her wear a headscarf. Look at her face above. Shes not happy. She should march back home and order Tony brown to bomb everywhere west of Essex. Could you imagine what would happen if we made there bloody allahs dress up in dog collar and bishops hat every time they wanted to go in an ENGLISH church? Youd have jihads up and down the high street bombing fuckery out of everyone with white skin and a union jack vest on.

Its not on. This is ENGLAND.